So Its been just over a month since my eager hands opened and soon had hold of my first dose of HRT.  Although they were only half doses, I was still thrilled. 

Jump now exactly 30 day's after that, and I am sitting at my Dr's office.  After a check up, and a quick Q and A, I told her that I had gained 6 pounds, (I have been 140 for Ever!) and my girlfriend found stretch marks on my ass! I said my skin felt smoother so she checked my back, and then told me that I have had the quickest transformation of skin structure she had ever seen! 

Tickled, I was ready to leave.  But Dr Becker had different plans.  She wanted to make sure my electrolytes were being absorbed? Or something?  I just heard needles, and went ill.  I almost passed out in the lab.  The poor little people poker that first tried to get blood from me, someone that has the lowest blood pressure on the planet almost teared up, when after 2-3 minutes of this needle in my arm being twisted, turned, I went white, and screamed in terror. Lucky for me there was a expert? person stabber?  Anyways 3 pokes later, and a really nice guy in a lab coat, I was out.  Prescriptions for full doses in hand!

I started those later that night.

changes I noticed in the first 30 day's:
* Skin softening was apparent within the first week or so.
* Less desire to beat Prius driver on the freeway, and more of a wish for their plastic lug nuts to fall off when crossing a bridge.  In fact, I have found I am much more level in my moods.  Its way more comfortable.
*I have started dreaming.  I rarely ever dream, and if I do, its gone within the first few minutes of waking up.  Before I can even write things down.  The dreams are vivid, and involve basic plots, but seem to last all night. 
*I am still grumpy when I wake up though...
*My girlfriend found Stretch Marks on my butt!!!!  Shea butter underwear from hear on out!
*I did gain 6 lbs!!!! 
*I am happier than I have been about my transformation since I first came out to my friends!

YAY!!!!! 

Now though, only a few day's after my jump to full doses, I woke up this morning, and my chest itched.  I scratched, and it hurt!  My boobies were sore!!!

YAY!!!!!

So its been a week now on hormones.  No double D's...  (kidding.)  In fact I have experienced little change, and expected even less.  However, there have been some noticeable changes.  My skin has already become softer.  I kinda lucked out with pretty soft skin to begin with, but its soooo much softer now.  Acne has cleared up a little.  And I haven't had the urge to follow stupid drivers home from the freeway and let the air out of their tires in, well, about a week!

I'm only on 2mg estradiol, and 50mg spironolacton.  Not yet a full dose.  But I got a notice in the mail that my tests have all come back in the green!  So I'm guessing that I will get bumped up to full dose's at my next appointment! 

Socially I have found less and less of a need to rely on clothing to express, or feel the way that makes me more comfortable.  Actually beginning the journey, I have released a huge burden of what to wear.  How much is too much, how little is too little.  Both gone.  Knowing inside that I will be the way I have dreamed in just a few years has made those little things that bother me on a regular basis, already a thing of the past. 

Sweet!

Today was the day. 

I went in.  Fidgeted around for a half hour.  Flipped through several RedBook mag's, and 1 popular mechanics.  But eventually made it into see Dr. Sara Becker.  A trans patient herself.  I am number 681.  That means she has had 680 trans patients before me.  I think I am in good hands.  I trust her knowledge. 

I will be filling my prescriptions this afternoon!  And toasting to a new, and better life with my loving girlfriend this evening!  

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh yea...
I didn't pass out when they took blood!!!!!!!!


YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I have less than a week until I begin my HRT.  As I get closer to the day, I find myself taking closer notice to the things that will change.  I have obviously contemplated the expected changes, but have spent little time reflecting on the attributes that will be negated.  Its been so easy to look at the things I get.  All the things I will be loosing, such as the ability to go topless at the river, or even open the jar of jam when its too tight, have been no great loss in my mind.  Basically I am more than comfortable with the upcoming change, and believe the outcome is easily worth the losses. 

The more I reflect upon these things, the more I anticipate the beginning of my physical transformation.  I expected this.  But I did not expect to have those realizations materialize to begin with.  All of these have been long ago tackled, observed, contemplated, and decided upon.  Why are they coming back?  And why, realization after realization, confirmation after confirmation, do they increase as the days get shorter? Its subconscious.  It comes at the strangest times.  With the constant confirmation and continual re-assurement each time these arise, I should think they would stop!  I want them to stop!  Self doubt is all i can think, but how is that possible with all the confirmations?  Cold feet is an answer that doesn't answer my questions.  

I hope I'm not alone in this.  I hope it goes away.  Cold feet would give me the comfort of this awkwardness disappearing after my HRT starts to affect my actual levels.  But I just cant accept that as an answer.  Its like telling me 2+2=4 because it does.